Woodside Valedictorian Rises Above Depression

Woodside High student Saylor Gibbs is everything you’d expect of a valedictorian: a 4.2 GPA student, the senior class vice president, a star athlete, a volunteer and an aspiring neurosurgeon.

But those who heard Gibbs’ life story for the first time during the Woodside commencement speech Friday were stunned by an unspoken part of her high school career: her battle with severe depression.

“It’s not something I’m shy or embarrassed about,” Gibbs said. “People came up to me afterward and said it was one of the most beautiful graduation speeches they had ever heard.”

Her mother, Julie, added that psychiatrists even approached her and encouraged her to publish her story in California mental health guides.

The UCLA-bound student said it was her desire to open up the dialogue about the taboo subject of mental illness. The 17-year-old said that some of her peers believed that it was a self-initiated illness, as if victims had control of the way the illness gripped their psyche. Gibbs’ battle became a rallying cry for her entire family, who wanted to spread the message about not hesitating to get help.

“We need to shine a light on this issue for those who don’t get the help they need,” Julie Gibbs said. “Kids live in such a high pressure society that they feel they can’t show weakness.”

But Gibbs said she was honored that the Valedictorian speech committee selected her to share such an intimate story with over 2,000 people, many of whom had never even met her until Friday. 

Gibbs used her personal battle to relate to her classmates, reminding them that everyone has an obstacle that may hinder their goal. But they can’t let it ultimately bring them down.

“I’m just trying to educate people I know and love because it can happen to anyone,” she said. “Even the 4.5 GPA star athlete, anyone.”

Senior Year Struggle-- And Triumph

Though she missed more than 50 days of school during her first semester, Gibbs was able to rise above the absences to not only attend her graduation, but also accept the valedictorian title and educate the community about the truth of mental illness. 

On the low days, Gibbs said she was scared of herself and didn’t want her own self to succeed.

“It was paralyzing,” she said. “There was a sense of self-loathing and fear that very much went down to my core.”

But rather than letting this fear swallow her whole, she said she stuck to her life-long goal of becoming a surgeon. On the good days, she said she lived by the saying that "some days, she might have lost the battle against depression, but she won the war over the disease."

“Somewhere deep inside, I knew that there was unfinished business,” Gibbs said. “Every day I reminded myself of what I had to do to achieve my goal.”

Gibbs was diagnosed in September, the beginning of her senior year. Though doctors can’t specifically identify the cause, Gibbs began taking Accutane, an acne medication, and Yaz, a birth control pill, at the same time. Three months later, the depression symptoms began creeping into her daily routine.

The chemical imbalance had already occured and psychiatrists had to spend months determining precisely the right prescription.

She began missing days of school at great lengths, keeping up with her fellow classmates in a hospital bed.

Gibbs’ freshman and senior AP English teacher said one of the hardest parts of the hospitalization for Gibbs was not achieving the level of perfectionism and thoroughness that she always strived for.

“It was a wonderful asset and disadvantage because it added a certain stress level to everything,” Lisa Camera said. 

As a teacher, Camera said she had to look at Gibbs’ long-term health and force Gibbs to set aside a big term paper to focus on getting well.

“But even doing this, she was doing incredible work,” Camera said. “Everything she does is pristine, and she has novel ideas that really surpass her years.”

One of Gibbs’ novel ideas includes writing a novel through the lens of a person with depression, to share the unfathomable thoughts and emotions that many will never experience.

Though she aspires to eventually attend medical school to become a neurosurgeon, Gibbs has always held a passion for writing.

For a person steeped in the sciences, she said “the absolute truth is obtained through writing.”

“It’s a rarity to find someone who’s so good at everything,” Camera said. “She’s just a beautiful, bright young woman.”

In addition to excelling in academia, Gibbs still had time to play soccer, her “one true love.”

But her stellar soccer career came to a screeching halt freshman year when she injured her knee the day after she made the Varsity soccer team. Since then she’s undergone four surgeries, and could no longer play on the California Olympics Development Soccer team.

But Gibbs turned to other activities to stuff her already full schedule.

She found time to volunteer in service clubs like the Invisible Children Club that helps child soldiers in Uganda. She was also a member of the Pink Ribbon Club, that raises awareness about breast cancer. Gibbs said that this club hit particularly close to home because both her mother and aunt were diagnosed at a young age.

A Village of Help

Though she may not have been present at school for weeks at a time, Gibbs said she never lost the love and support of her fellow classmates who elected her Senior Class Vice President.

Julie Gibbs said that the Woodside High community had been with her through every low and high, offering resources to help her daughter get through her disease.

“It really does take a village,” Julie said. “And that’s why it saddens me when you hear all this criticism of public schools because Woodside has been incredible in helping her. They really are public servants.”  

Julie rattled off several names of individual administrators and faculty members, including Camera, who had worked personally with Saylor to overcome her illness.

Camera said she didn’t want to downplay the gravity of the situation, but she knew Gibbs would overcome the depression in the way she did. She identified Gibbs’ unwavering drive and genuine love of learning as the vehicle to pull her out of the illness.

“It’s unfathomable that nothing was comprised too significantly given the obstacles she faced," Camera said.

At UCLA, Gibbs will continue studying neuroscience and medicine, a dream she’s held since fifth grade.

“There’s so much we don’t know about the brain,” Gibbs said. “And especially with my bout with mental illness, more than ever do I want to get in there and see what causes this illness.”

Though the disorder is chronic and is something she will have to deal with in college, Gibbs said she has fallen into a routine of which antidepressants to take, just like those who have to take vitamins.

She goes to therapy sessions every two weeks and sees a psychiatrist every month. It’s similar to seeing a primary care physician once a month, she said.

“It’s also very powerful to have that connection to a medical professional,” she added.

She believes her personal battle with make her an even more empathetic doctor.

"We are absolutely so proud of her and not at all worried about her heading off to UCLA," Julie said. "She's the strongest, most amazing person I know."

Saylor Gibbs' Valedictorian Speech:

“In Treatment”

Saylor Gibbs

Nine months ago, a teenaged girl wearing raspberry colored scrubs laid shivering in a psychiatric hospital, dead-eyed and exhausted in a decrepit box of a room with barred windows, listening to the muffled cries and moans of her fellow patients. 

(Pause)

Today, she stands before you, healthy, yet healing, humble, yet proud.

Nothing that I learned in school prepared me for the impenetrable darkness of mental illness. I was ill equipped, and thus, defeated swiftly and easily. I vanished into myself, becoming a hollow shell.

I was consumed by depression, poisoned by anxiety, and captivated by fear.

Then there was the darkness; lonely, terrible, destructive darkness.

I awoke in an environment alien to my senses. Sterility, stiffness, and staleness crept into my sight, smell, touch, and taste. The chorus of the night had quelled into an eerily still silence.

I had become: A patient. A prisoner. A stranger.

Because I could neither fight nor flee, I was forced to adapt. Hours of drawing, writing, and speaking my innermost thoughts slowly began to unravel before my eyes, each stroke of a brush, flick of a pen, and turn of a page created a safe haven from the darkness. I was in a haven of no mirrors, no shoelaces, no edible food, and no locking doors. The reward system became a competition; a hot shower, a coveted luxury.

My return to normalcy after being institutionalized has been painful.  I have felt distanced from my peers, alone in my struggles, misunderstood by some, and scared of most. But through the darkness shone beautiful, inspirational people; people who taught me that that there is beauty in sacrifice, terror in love, strength in redemption. Never before have the elusive shades of grey made themselves more apparent to me than in those four days, and never before have I appreciated the life that I was so carelessly ready to dispose of.  

(Pause)

Today, I am in treatment.

Slowly, and not without complaint, I have found that the same acceptance and understanding exists here, where we learn, where we work, where we live. All it took was a murmur, a confession, an acknowledgement; I am in treatment. And that is okay – we are all in treatment for something.

Without the support of those who learn, work, and live in the Woodside High School community, those in treatment would find no peace. I am proud to say that not only has the Woodside community aided my recovery, but it has continued to open its arms to all those who are ready and willing to learn and grow in the classroom, on the field, on stage, and among their peers.

(Pause)

Today, I speak as an individual to a group of individuals.

While the people who sit behind me are united by their graduation year, they are also each defined by their experience. Those who sit and stand before me are no different.

Woodside High School has not only created an environment in which everyone can learn and thrive, but has provided the necessary mediums for expression and communication that have been paramount to our success as a graduating class.

Through our diverse student body, incredible school spirit, and active role in our community, the class of 2011 has proved that we can and will succeed.

I am in treatment for challenges that exist behind closed doors; I am in treatment to save myself from the infamous ‘Race to Nowhere.’  We are all in treatment, in one way or another. It is how we let it define us that determines who we are, where we will go, and what we will become.

Most say that we are either ending the best years of our lives or beginning the most significant. I believe that we are neither of a beginning nor of an ending.

We are of the middle. The in-between.

(Pause)

Today, we are in transit. And I wish every one of you the very best of luck.

Congratulations, Class of 2011.