mommy superpowers

The other day while visiting the zoo, Mia decided to have the meltdowns of all meltdowns. A tantrum of epic proportions. It began with her not wanting to see the monkeys which then escalated to screaming and crying over visiting the koalas. I mean who doesn’t like koalas? It didn’t make any sense at all.

I tried to continue on, but she just got worse and worse. To make things even more awesome, we were fairly far into the zoo, in fact almost at the farthest point away from the parking lot.

Lucky me. I got to walk back across the entire zoo with a 3-year old yelling,

“PICK ME UP!” ”PICK ME UP! whimper, whimper, PICK ME UP! whimper, whimper, PICK ME UP! MY LEGS HURT! PICK ME UP!”

All the while, she is doing this stamp your feet and kick the air dance that rivaled any small tornado. Her tiny fist clenched. Face red. It’s no wonder her legs hurt.

It was the kind of tantrum that was embarrassing. The kind that people without kids think, “What kind of mom is that? Shame on her for letting her kid behave that way.” While those folks with children pass by and secretly think, “Thank God, it’s not us today.” They know.

I pushed forward and kept walking to the car with a small screaming human following behind me.

It was a face off. A battle of wills. She wanted to win, but so did I.  So, I did what all the moms do, I accessed my mommy superpowers. The powers that allow moms to do amazing things when it comes to parenting our children.

I dug deep and pulled out my “Force Field of Infinite Patience and Calm.” Cloaked in my superpower, I felt better.  I walked with my head high through the zoo, knowing full well we were quite a spectacle.

Even the tiger got up and went into his cave as we walked by. She was that loud.

My only success that day was not giving into her tantrum,  getting her safely into the car, giving her her favorite blanket, and watching her fall asleep before we left the zoo parking lot.

Whew.

When I asked her later why she cried so much, she simply said, “I was frustrated.” Nothing more, nothing less.

This experience got me thinking about mommy superpowers. So, I decided to share my top ten with you:

1. “Mommy Psychic Powers” – I know what they are doing at all times. I know exactly when Ava hit her sister, even though I didn’t see it.
2. “Extraordinary Human Strength and Endurance” – Pregnancy. Childbirth. Doing it all over again. Then once the kids are bigger,  the ability to carry a small child for a very long time without rest. Additional points for when the child is kicking and yelling.
3. “Enhanced Super Psychic Hearing” – I hear the everyday things like “I love you,” “The toilet is overflowing again” or “I’ve hurt myself.” Super Psychic Hearing is used when things go quiet, too quiet. What’s going on in the next room? Why is that door closed? I can hear it before it happens. I can hear my kids just thinking about doing something naughty.
4. “Personal Force Field of Infinite Patience and Calm” – A deep calmness flows through me. It envelopes me, so I can tolerate anything with my head held high. It is kid proof in it’s highest form and cannot be broken. Extremely useful in grocery store tantrums or zoo meltdowns, as noted earlier.
5. “Defensive Psioplasmic Bio-Field” – This is actually a X-Men super power, however I think it sounds more like the ability to deal with gross events in our children’s lives. Barf. Poop. Boogers. I have been barfed on, snotty noses wiped on my arm, spit-up run down my back, and changed the scariest of diapers. You name it, it’s probably happened. I am convinced, moms have a bio-field that protects us from germs and keeps us from running in the other direction when the gross factor is high.
6. “Invisible Plane” – Just kidding, not a super power. Although, sometimes I think it would be handy to have an invisible plane for my personal use. A quick jaunt to a spa in Napa would be lovely in an invisible plane and give me the super power of rejuvenation. I also think Wonder Woman probably would have rocked as a mom. Her Lasso of Truth would have been really useful with teenagers.
7. “Lightening Bolt Speed” – this proves exceptionally helpful when kids start to run into the street to chase a ball. It’s amazing how fast I can run in a scenario like this and grab my child before she even gets off the sidewalk.
8. “Psychometry” – the ability to learn things about the past or future by simply touching an object. Kids leave a unique mark. Who cut up all the paper and threw it on the floor? ( Mia) Who colored all the seashells with markers? (Ava) Who decorated the dog with jewels? (Ava) Who brought a slug in the house? (Mia) My psychometery is so good, I only have to look at the deed to know who did it.
9. “The Healer” – Both a physical and mental ability. Bandager of small cuts and scrapes. Comforter of tears. Possessing a heart that knows no bounds and can make the most frightened or sad child feel safe and happy with just a hug and a kiss.
10. “Insomnipathy” – I made this up. However, only a  mom can truly understand what kid driven sleep deprivation feels like. I remember the first year after my second child was born, I would get up with the kids, feed the kids, dress the kids, drive the kids to school, and work a full day at the office on less than 3 hours of sleep, for days on end. Insomnipathy made me feel slightly euphoric with a dash of desperation at the thought of never sleeping again. Highly productive state.

I guess we may be a bit like X-Men and have mutated into beings with special gifts. But really, who knew all the hormones associated with having children would manifest into mommy superpowers.

What are your superpowers?

For more fun stories, check my blog out at beyfamily.wordpress.com